Listen to the Songs Around Us

July 5, 2021 bitsybody

A positive update shined through as my scans were good. I don’t have any damage in my liver and we can focus on stopping the disease. It is a relief to know that it was caught in time. Blessings all around this week and some time to relax. It is nice when you find moments in your life to breathe and pause. Life is full of bumps and pot holes. How we handle the drive becomes the journey. I will know more about the bloodwork as the days progress but not spending energy there. I feel the Dr. would have told me if we needed to worry so I have to let it be. I start patching the holes in the road and resting when tired.

For a late Sunday reflection ( oops late again – might have to change it to Monday but trying to stick with it), I find the time to listen to the music of the outdoors. The insects, the birds to the croaking of the frogs who sing sweet melodies to me if I take the time to listen. It is important that we slow down and listen to other’s songs and not live just within our own music. We each have a song to tell but together the world comes together to make the symphony. The Carolina Wren sings to my dad loud enough so that he pays attention each morning calling out asking her about her story. What is the story of life? I stop to listen to the soft sounds of the woods as I walk by the explosion of color this morning

This week I am visiting my parents in Virginia with my sister away from the backyard. I will not be posting much but it is the first visit with them in 2 years due to COVID. I miss the cheer team and the backyard animals but will be back with them soon – planning projects and working on wonderful ways to continue getting stronger. Lou had rock delivered and the garden paths will soon come alive. He has painted and added concrete countertops outside. His work is truly amazing and definitely sings to us all. Listen below to hear the buzz of the bumblebee hard at work. Lou is definitely a worker bee.

A night stroll – life abounds

As I spend this time deep in the country of VA on the Rappahannock River where I grew up as child, I find my soul becoming quiet and slowing down. I thought for this week that a post or two about the area would be fun as I explore nature. I started a nature journal to reflect and help me focus on just being. It is nice to stop and jot down the date, the weather and what is around me. It helps me to slow down – focus on being present – not the disease – not the stress of returning to work instead being here in nature. It is a gift to be able to spend time listening and I pray everyone will take a moment this week to listen to the sounds around you. You never know what the sounds might be telling you or what magic is ahead. The next recording is my walk around the pond. Listen as I stop walking and how much life can be heard. I added some more pics of the area for fun.

STOP! Take time to listen! Can you ear the difference when you stop walking?

As I finish the day, I try to remind myself that life is a long album – not one done in a day or even a year. One that we enjoy but one that also involves struggles – time to support others and time to find new paths even covered with bunnies and fireflies. Go through life listening to the songs being sung around so you can hear it all – the good and the bad. I sometimes find that life is so hectic that I don’t pause and reflect. Stop – take a second to give yourself a break from your own song that at times screams so loudly in your head that you miss the songs around you.

Stop! Enjoy the sounds all around you that beckon you to listen to your inner soul. A world calling you to be present and live in the moment.

Reflections

The Ups and Downs

July 1, 2021 bitsybody

Sometimes in life, it would be nice to just have the same old – same old – no excitement. As I sit at Mayo today for my appts, I miss the days of once-a-year medical tests. The ups and downs of bloodwork are hard to keep up with. If you know what I am talking about, you know the anxiety of opening the new message as results come in. They never seem stable. The highs when you see they are finally normal and the lows when things are just all over the place. Today I am waiting for some more results before my scan and they are wonky so far at least my liver is holding.

At the beginning of my diagnosis, my brother told me to think of them as data points. Data that tells the doctors how to help – are the meds working? The meds can’t cure me. It is not like taking an antibiotic and you are better. You hope that they can keep the disease asleep without hurting your other systems. Putting your immune system to sleep is obviously tricky during COVID but also trying to balance all the other systems thus the ups and downs of the bloodwork. When you look at them as helpers, the anxiety drops a little – making you feel like maybe you can make it.

This week has been rainy, to say the least, and I have wanted to post some of my good recipes and projects but my energy has been low. I took a few pictures that I wanted to share through my off week. They make me laugh and they keep me going. Sometimes you just have to look at life and smile even if upside down..

Tallulah, the cat is my bedmaking helper where she helps me spread out the sheets in between the kicks and the jumps of her attacks. She loves the chance to run through the sheets. Meadow is working on not creating as much laundry but that is slow going. We have been washing quite a bit at least 4 loads a day. The girls are doing well but missing my constant treats. They run down the ramp from the coop if I come out before the door shuts at dark. They surely have me trained as I feel guilty if I don’t have any treats.

Life is a blessing – one we get to be a part of – to find ways to appreciate it. From finding moments of gratitude for the ones around your or the love of our beautiful planet, there is so much to appreciate. Happiness is not comparing your life to others because I am going to tell you that you can always find someone who has it better.

I have to remind myself to take moments to breathe – enjoy the sweetness of nature and hold the ones that walk this road with you. My goal is to get back to work on projects and enjoy what I am doing. The animals and plants right now help me smile. My cucumber experiment from the tower looks to have failed but the others are trying hard.

Keep going, get up, and face the day – you don’t know what magic awakes if you keep your head down. I sometimes think that my yelling bluejay is screaming as he approaches the feeder. Reach for the Sun. I love this picture. It was right before the big COVID lockdown.

Time to head upstairs! Time for my prayers and knowing that I got this!

Reflections

Roots – Find a way to Thrive

June 28, 2021June 28, 2021 bitsybody

It was Sunday! Another week has gone by.. time goes so fast and we can’t slow it down. Gardening and yard work took all of my energy on Sunday but it was worth it. Missed my post yesterday but here it is. Learning to relax and work on me time. More plants and I cleaned the tower – we got a lot done in the backyard. Let me tell you that is a big job to pull the roots out of the tower but now we can get more seedlings. One of my experiments is to take the plants out of the tower and put them in the ground. It is amazing to see life continue.

Looking at the roots – WOW! They grow so deep, so massive. so intertwined into the tower reaching the water. The function of roots is more than just about water. They anchor the plant keeping it in place (strength) and being a huge transportation highway of life (oxygen, nutrients etc). How this makes me appreciate the way life fights to live. As I tend to the transplants in the ground, life will fight if the right conditions are there to make it possible to thrive. It makes me wonder what are my right conditions. I teach life science and it is one of the basic lessons to the beginning of school but is the cellular information just it. Does faith, courage, or love encourage life to go on more than the just the science?

Past transplant experiments – it is possible….

Last week, I spent time listening to the AIH conference about advancements in disease treatment – what I should eat (maybe) they are still unsure – again I scream why! I don’t want this anymore but then I stop and realize that is wasted effort. Let’s go back to work. Let’s be the roots in the tower reaching out for more nutrients and love.

My reflection of the week as I head into another test this week is to live and keep reaching out for life. I struggled this weekend with energy. I miss my workouts so much. I want a good bike ride or big hike. Well, I didn’t have it so I tried a new idea – photos. I can be the roots in the tower – I can’t find new ways to live and thrive. I started taking picture of life – maybe about to bloom, enjoying the smells of the grass that is so alive or just being. I love all that is in my backyard and how it keeps me going. I am going to add photos to my posts as they bring me joy and inspiration.

You know the cheer team – of course they are here. Everyone was low energy this weekend with their own challenges but we stuck together. Ups and downs are part of life. We just have to accept challenges and each other for our strengths but maybe more importantly our weaknesses. What path will each of us take? It might be a path to more challenges or not but we are fortunate to be able to walk a path. This week I am going to try and be the roots of my tower continually reaching for life and finding a way to believe that I can do it.

Have a great week and thrive!

Reflections

Reflection – Live like a Puppy

June 20, 2021 bitsybody

How quickly a week goes by! I am already at Sunday Reflections and the end of my first week blogging. I didn’t get to post all of my backyard fun but thankfully I have time ahead to keep going and dreaming. It has been a week since I smelled the mountain air and sensed the dew in the meadow. Nature brings your senses alive allowing you to know that you are not alone in this incredible world. As I reflect back about my week, I think about how many things that I have learned from the trials of rising fears to the peace of a team hug. Breathe life and relax. As I was reflecting, my mind kept returning to our newest family member, Meadow. Maybe my mind returns to her quickly as she has to go outside ever 20 minutes or her calm presence at my feet while I work. Life as a puppy is free and full of wonder. Shouldn’t we look at puppies as a guide on how to live our own best life.

I stop and dream.

My life as Meadow…

First, I must Love Unconditionally without thinking. She love us all for who we are no matter what and wants to be with everyone; every person she meets is a quick friend greeted with a puppy lick and enthusiastic hello. She loves without judgement and she just loves being herself. Wouldn’t it be great if we could do that in our world today. Love ourselves and love others.

I must Trust like Meadow. She trusts that she will be cared for my us, trusts that we will be there and love her. New to her surroundings this week, she was anxious and aware that life was different but she trusted that it would be ok.. By the end of the week she was sleeping on her back looking for a bellyrub. Total Trust! With a chronic disease, it is hard to trust the next moment or week but Meadow would and I want to live like her.

I must Explore. – Meadow is a true explorer where she literally tackles the world around her. She heads out into the big unknown and just goes for it! Puppies haven’t learned about where not to put their noses especially towards the cat or about busy roads but overall wouldn’t it be great to be so carefree that you just go and explore with your senses. Let go and explore like a puppy knowing that your family has your back to stop you from going into traffic.

I want to Play and feel alive – be a puppy at play. Falling over and tumbling down bounding with energy with a desire to get right back up with a waging tail. Yes, some is due to their puppiness and youth but look at what we can we learn from watching them. Play makes us feel alive without feeling defeated. Life is fun and makes a smile. A lot research has been conducted on how smiling can positively lift your mood. Give it a try – I want to feel like a puppy.

I must learn to Rest – Well, when it is time to rest – puppies just plop down where they can and take a break. They know when to stop and relax whether from fatigue or too much interaction with others. Listening to their bodies, they take time to rest which will quickly turn into another 20 minute burst of energy. I so need a puppy reminder to step back; listen to my body and have some ME time.

I must go on a puppy walk. Meadow’s walks are a time for her to smell and see what is around. So many times I arm working on our own problems, listening to media and not being in the moment that is right there. What plants are there, animals, other friends to meet, fun smells or other amazing parts of nature right in front of you? Being present gives your body time to relax and recharge – puppies are the ultimate at being present. They don’t anticipate except for the present moment that they are in – living life more carefree without dread.

Time for our walk to explore.

I must value being with others. Meadow wags her tail when she sees Lego in the morning and quickly curls up with him for a nap to take a rest. Daily visits with Roo, our cat, are a time to say hello to one that hasn’t accepted her yet. The opportunity to love on Roo is never missed and she comes back each day for multiple encounters with a waging tail and an enthusiastic pounce. We then head out to see the girls – our chickens for a quick hello. Meadow loves to see everyone in the backyard. What if I could have that happiness when I see people that I feel aren’t so into seeing me? I need the spirit of Meadow to give me courage to keep going out, see people and reach out for relationships.

Snuggle with others

The daily hellos!

I must learn to love what is front of me. We have so many choices in our modern world; food especially where we live. Puppies aren’t picky. Meadow loves any food – maybe a little too much but I love how she tries new things and eats what is planned for her. I think if my diet for AIH was better I might fight my diseases’ inflammation better. I will blog on my diet later but life as puppy would make diets easier.

I think I could go on and on as she is curled up under my feet. Meadow is a breath of fresh air just like her name invites me to a place where peace and sweet smells can be found. As you go out this week, try a day, an hour, or even a minute as a puppy – it might just be the change that you need to feel free and alive.

As Meadow barks, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Meadow and I wish you a great day!

Reflections

Through the Fog

June 13, 2021June 14, 2021 bitsybody

Let me introduce Sunday reflections. Part of my path forward is finding peace and happiness in a world that often is chaotic and where I choose to find the positive moments to head into the next week. This Sunday I am blessed to be finishing a little trip to the NC mountains with the cheer team. Wow – they made it amazing and totally rejuvenating so I can return home and face all my tests (a bunch over the next 4 weeks) with love and confidence. You got this mom – I hear that a lot. So let’s start….

I am writing this as the sun shines through in the morning as we pack up to leave. The rain has stopped but the fog covers the mountains as I look over the mountain range. How life is so much like this as we feel so lost looking out into our world and can’t tell what is through the fog. The sun peaks through letting us know all will be ok. We must trust that the warmth we feel through the clouds lets us know that all is well in our small cosmos. We have the strength and the power to let go of our problems and take a step forward.

Morning fog this morning covering the mountains. Love this view.

Looking down into the forest below.

In the beginning, I was stuck deep in the woods – I mean deep if you can find the bottom of the trees where a bunch of trees have fallen on top of each other – you would find me there. I was scared – scared to breathe – scared of all my bloodwork – the what if’s always caused me to panic. My thoughts were on a never ending wheel. The doctors said the anxiety was totally normal with the high level of steroids and not knowing what would happen next. OK, this normal was a tough place to stay but I had to go forward. Who will save me (besides the cheer team).

Can you see through the fog?

I found it – it took me 7 months (I have some bumps still ahead of me which you will share with me) – but it is me. A friend who helped me a lot through the early months of the diagnosis told me that you have to save yourself from yourself. That is the meaning of being saved. Wow, he was right. I’ve learned to look for the clearing – of course a farm in sight – my own passion where life begins and is celebrated. Find your passions – find your loves – find yourself. Can you see it or are you still stuck in the woods?

From the open arms we see pulling us towards life or the chance to jump off the rock. – (Yes the water was cold. )

We are not alone. I will be totally honest – I am afraid to die – afraid to leave my husband behind and my 3 children that we brought into this world. I have been so afraid to die even before this disease that I didn’t stop to breathe each day. I am trying – I won’t say that I am still not afraid as I read the support group chat and saw some sad news. Of course, the wheel start to spin – will that be me – will my bloods be ok but the scan shows disease progression – will I need a transplant – how long…. On and On! As my husband grabbed my hand and said you got this – take a deep breathe – you don’t know your story yet – today we are ok. We are ok – in the mountains after being locked up in my house for 7 months afraid of Covid. I can still get it but with rates dropping and I’m of course masked up – I got out to the woods to hike and be part of nature.

Thanks cheer team for a 5 day retreat from drs appt and the real world. We got this and as I leave the Sunday reflection I ask everyone out there to take a moment and breathe. Find happiness through a moment in your day where you can be you, be real. Let go! I’ll be there with you trying too.

Here are some of our top hits to come. Getting the pics together!

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My life as Meadow…

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