The Ups and Downs

July 1, 2021 bitsybody

Sometimes in life, it would be nice to just have the same old – same old – no excitement. As I sit at Mayo today for my appts, I miss the days of once-a-year medical tests. The ups and downs of bloodwork are hard to keep up with. If you know what I am talking about, you know the anxiety of opening the new message as results come in. They never seem stable. The highs when you see they are finally normal and the lows when things are just all over the place. Today I am waiting for some more results before my scan and they are wonky so far at least my liver is holding.

At the beginning of my diagnosis, my brother told me to think of them as data points. Data that tells the doctors how to help – are the meds working? The meds can’t cure me. It is not like taking an antibiotic and you are better. You hope that they can keep the disease asleep without hurting your other systems. Putting your immune system to sleep is obviously tricky during COVID but also trying to balance all the other systems thus the ups and downs of the bloodwork. When you look at them as helpers, the anxiety drops a little – making you feel like maybe you can make it.

This week has been rainy, to say the least, and I have wanted to post some of my good recipes and projects but my energy has been low. I took a few pictures that I wanted to share through my off week. They make me laugh and they keep me going. Sometimes you just have to look at life and smile even if upside down..

Tallulah, the cat is my bedmaking helper where she helps me spread out the sheets in between the kicks and the jumps of her attacks. She loves the chance to run through the sheets. Meadow is working on not creating as much laundry but that is slow going. We have been washing quite a bit at least 4 loads a day. The girls are doing well but missing my constant treats. They run down the ramp from the coop if I come out before the door shuts at dark. They surely have me trained as I feel guilty if I don’t have any treats.

Life is a blessing – one we get to be a part of – to find ways to appreciate it. From finding moments of gratitude for the ones around your or the love of our beautiful planet, there is so much to appreciate. Happiness is not comparing your life to others because I am going to tell you that you can always find someone who has it better.

I have to remind myself to take moments to breathe – enjoy the sweetness of nature and hold the ones that walk this road with you. My goal is to get back to work on projects and enjoy what I am doing. The animals and plants right now help me smile. My cucumber experiment from the tower looks to have failed but the others are trying hard.

Keep going, get up, and face the day – you don’t know what magic awakes if you keep your head down. I sometimes think that my yelling bluejay is screaming as he approaches the feeder. Reach for the Sun. I love this picture. It was right before the big COVID lockdown.

Time to head upstairs! Time for my prayers and knowing that I got this!

Gardening

Give Life Another Chance – especially your Herbs.

June 25, 2021June 25, 2021 bitsybody

Each day is a new battle and I am not sure how to explain the overwhelming fatigue that comes with Autoimmune Liver Disease. I saw a recent post in the AIH support group about finding passions to keep your days going and I watched a few sessions of the AIH conference to help focus my energy. Of course, the backyard animals make the day and night filled with lots of excitement.

So let me begin on some distractions to save me as for some reason lately the time between 10 am and 3pm are some of my darkest hours. I could almost go back to bed, but I know that it is best to fight through the fatigue to get to a better place. It might be the medicine, the disease or maybe the rainy Florida weather. With summer vacation, I spend most of my time working on my backyard projects and some pre-planning school ideas. This year in particular since my diagnosis, I am trying to spend time on me-things.

One area that has caught my focus is recycling in all different ways. I love the idea of reusing what we have or what others can help us with. One area that I have been experimenting with is the propagation of plants. I try most every plant that we have in the backyard seeing if I can grow them from another one. I started with the easy ones like herbs – mint, basil, my lavender, and such. It is great. I recycle my yogurt pots that are glass and fill them with water. I then take cuttings and put them on my kitchen window until they start to root. Wait and watch – you might have to add water as it is used or evaporates. (The water cycle) I have tried others but will show you in another post.

Cut a top piece of basil – before it flowers – I found this the best for taste

I then move it outside to my pots or even into the ground. I love the mint but it spreads quickly if it is not in a pot. One of the benefits of having a hydroponic gardening tower is that I can easily grab cuttings and experiment. I also take the tops of my pineapple and kitchen foods and try them. It is amazing that life finds a way – just like I have to. We all have to regrow where we are planted.

I will be honest that I am not always happy with the pot that I have been planted in. I right now. I want to go back to the pot that I lived in a year ago – a life before the diagnosis. I wish I could be transplanted to my healthy, but I guess that we all can do a move in mindset. We all have challenges – chronic disease stinks as it stays with me forever. I keep trying to find ways to recycle myself and I think the best way is to find some purpose to being here. I want to be best wife, mom, teacher, sister, daughter, and friend that I can be. When I walk in the woods at night, I have to look for the stars. Disease is what it is but there are some bright points. I am aware of what each day means – I appreciate life. The growth of mint in my yogurt pot shows me that we all have a chance. We just have to believe and trust.

I love this idea of recycling in all walks of our life. My daughter and I are getting into thrifting with clothes and possible furniture. I think it is great to give life another chance whether us or the world around us. Don’t give up and look outside to find more inspiration to keep recycling yourself. Look for more recycling ideas as I post more to keep me going.

Animals

Meadow meets the Girls.

June 24, 2021June 24, 2021 bitsybody

The girls bring so many smiles to our day. As I round the corner to the coop, I always call out “girls” and they greet me at the fence with a cluck cluck cluck. My heart melts every time as Darby and Delilah enthusiastically run. It is funny to see indeed as they move as fast as they possibly can. Gives new meaning to eager to see you. Even on my worst day, those two can make the clouds around me seem less thick. A fun daily treat is taking Meadow over to see Darby and Delilah. She enjoys interacting with them and is hopeful that she will get some of their treats.

Chickens are a love and bring so much joy. Lately, it has been a few harder days as my energy is low. One challenge with an autoimmune disease is fatigue. I am not sure how to get passed it, but I know that it is not in my head or the need of a supplement. It just is what it is – the Drs. wish they knew how to make it go away but fatigue is the number one symptom. So back to the girls. They give me that extra boost of life and smile to keep going. The animals in my backyard give me peace and joy knowing that I am loved, but they need my love. They need me as much as I need them.

To their space in the backyard, we designed our coop to have a few spaces to keep them safe from predators and weather. They have two areas to roam around in. One is attached to the coop and opens up automatically at dawn. The chicken guard as it is called opens and closes by the rise and fall of the sun. The chickens have a schedule and they head inside before the guard closes for the night. We have food hanging in the coop and a self dispensing water bucket with nibblers that my husband made.

All in all the chickens are super easy to raise. We let them out of the smaller pen into the larger one if we are home. At night, we lock the outside pen knowing that the chicken guard has already locked them in safely.

I recommend chickens for anyone’s home and backyard. One for delicious eggs but also the fun interaction of nature.

Cooking

Try a Smoothie!

June 21, 2021June 21, 2021 bitsybody

When I was first diagnosed, I had a hard time eating. My appetite was low due to all of the medicines, stress and overall life challenges. I worried about my diet as I didn’t want anything to inflame my liver further. My doctor said that diet wouldn’t change the disease, but it definitely could help my overall health. Well, I had constant scary thoughts that the food that I used to eat could cause inflammation possibly worsening my weekly blood tests. For autoimmune diseases, the AIP diet, anti-inflammatory diet, is the one that I saw recommended the most. My doctor agreed that it is a super healthy diet but extremely hard to follow day to day. So 7 months later, I have adopted some parts of it with some other healthy eating tips along the way. I thought I would share some recipes along my journey as I continue to cook through my life with a wild immune system. I will note if the recipes are for the family and not on my diet as one of sons loves to cook. His recipes are fun, super yummy and must be shared.

Bitsy’s Berry Spinach Smoothie

First – collect your fruit and spinach. I tend to use fresh spinach but you can use the frozen one as well I love some banana, apple (with skin), berries, and frozen mango or pineapple. I have even added in frozen avocado as well.

** One note – fruits have a lot of sugars – natural sugars yes but still sugars. With AIH, many of us live on steroids with our autoimmune meds. Your sugar intake might be something that you have to monitor so be aware if you are making this smoothie. I found that it helped me and my sugar did not spike or crash.

Then, I add some fresh squeezed orange juice to the blender. I add enough orange juice so that the mixture blends into a smooth liquid. I like my smoothie room temperature and runny so that I can drink it easy. I found that when I couldn’t eat that the more “liquidy” my smoothie was; the easier it was to get down.

As you can see above, I do not use a lot of liquid as my smoothie are mostly made from fresh fruits. If you use more frozen fruits, you might need to add some water or more orange juice so that it will blend easily.

I love having a Go-To Smoothie when you have to get berries and other essentials vitamins into your diet. For some reason, I was able to drink this each day in the beginning of my journey and it helped give me a little strength. There are lots of recipes out there so try one out and make it your own. There are days I add honey, protein powders, yogurt, or even mint with lemon depending on the needs of my body that week.

Here’s to a great 2nd week on my blog and our time exploring together. A life journey is better with people walking along with you. Thank you to the all who are reading.

Reflections

Reflection – Live like a Puppy

June 20, 2021 bitsybody

How quickly a week goes by! I am already at Sunday Reflections and the end of my first week blogging. I didn’t get to post all of my backyard fun but thankfully I have time ahead to keep going and dreaming. It has been a week since I smelled the mountain air and sensed the dew in the meadow. Nature brings your senses alive allowing you to know that you are not alone in this incredible world. As I reflect back about my week, I think about how many things that I have learned from the trials of rising fears to the peace of a team hug. Breathe life and relax. As I was reflecting, my mind kept returning to our newest family member, Meadow. Maybe my mind returns to her quickly as she has to go outside ever 20 minutes or her calm presence at my feet while I work. Life as a puppy is free and full of wonder. Shouldn’t we look at puppies as a guide on how to live our own best life.

I stop and dream.

My life as Meadow…

First, I must Love Unconditionally without thinking. She love us all for who we are no matter what and wants to be with everyone; every person she meets is a quick friend greeted with a puppy lick and enthusiastic hello. She loves without judgement and she just loves being herself. Wouldn’t it be great if we could do that in our world today. Love ourselves and love others.

I must Trust like Meadow. She trusts that she will be cared for my us, trusts that we will be there and love her. New to her surroundings this week, she was anxious and aware that life was different but she trusted that it would be ok.. By the end of the week she was sleeping on her back looking for a bellyrub. Total Trust! With a chronic disease, it is hard to trust the next moment or week but Meadow would and I want to live like her.

I must Explore. – Meadow is a true explorer where she literally tackles the world around her. She heads out into the big unknown and just goes for it! Puppies haven’t learned about where not to put their noses especially towards the cat or about busy roads but overall wouldn’t it be great to be so carefree that you just go and explore with your senses. Let go and explore like a puppy knowing that your family has your back to stop you from going into traffic.

I want to Play and feel alive – be a puppy at play. Falling over and tumbling down bounding with energy with a desire to get right back up with a waging tail. Yes, some is due to their puppiness and youth but look at what we can we learn from watching them. Play makes us feel alive without feeling defeated. Life is fun and makes a smile. A lot research has been conducted on how smiling can positively lift your mood. Give it a try – I want to feel like a puppy.

I must learn to Rest – Well, when it is time to rest – puppies just plop down where they can and take a break. They know when to stop and relax whether from fatigue or too much interaction with others. Listening to their bodies, they take time to rest which will quickly turn into another 20 minute burst of energy. I so need a puppy reminder to step back; listen to my body and have some ME time.

I must go on a puppy walk. Meadow’s walks are a time for her to smell and see what is around. So many times I arm working on our own problems, listening to media and not being in the moment that is right there. What plants are there, animals, other friends to meet, fun smells or other amazing parts of nature right in front of you? Being present gives your body time to relax and recharge – puppies are the ultimate at being present. They don’t anticipate except for the present moment that they are in – living life more carefree without dread.

Time for our walk to explore.

I must value being with others. Meadow wags her tail when she sees Lego in the morning and quickly curls up with him for a nap to take a rest. Daily visits with Roo, our cat, are a time to say hello to one that hasn’t accepted her yet. The opportunity to love on Roo is never missed and she comes back each day for multiple encounters with a waging tail and an enthusiastic pounce. We then head out to see the girls – our chickens for a quick hello. Meadow loves to see everyone in the backyard. What if I could have that happiness when I see people that I feel aren’t so into seeing me? I need the spirit of Meadow to give me courage to keep going out, see people and reach out for relationships.

Snuggle with others

The daily hellos!

I must learn to love what is front of me. We have so many choices in our modern world; food especially where we live. Puppies aren’t picky. Meadow loves any food – maybe a little too much but I love how she tries new things and eats what is planned for her. I think if my diet for AIH was better I might fight my diseases’ inflammation better. I will blog on my diet later but life as puppy would make diets easier.

I think I could go on and on as she is curled up under my feet. Meadow is a breath of fresh air just like her name invites me to a place where peace and sweet smells can be found. As you go out this week, try a day, an hour, or even a minute as a puppy – it might just be the change that you need to feel free and alive.

As Meadow barks, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Meadow and I wish you a great day!

About Me

Breathe and Feed the Birds!

June 19, 2021June 19, 2021 bitsybody

Well, a day has gone by and things have calmed down mentally. Thankfully, only some dribbles over the waterfall. I wish that I could have done a better job trusting more and worrying less than rushing to the edge of the falls. My medical tests this week went ok – not perfect and rosy but I am good. Tests are clear just need to continue to monitor – add it to the list. I write another page in my journal giving thanks and gratitude for my team of doctors and of course the cheer team. Through my grouchy day, they gave me hugs and always said the right thing. They now know not to say it is all going to be ok all the time. The best thing that they do is stand by me and say – we are here. Together, we will face it good or bad. I remember from Kate Bowler’s podcast that she explained that the reaction of people to your disease can be so hard. They want you to be tough, be healed and be able to move on. Well, you can’t always do that and for the one who is going through it your heart is being torn to pieces. A chronic disease is not one that is fixed or cured; we just do our best to keep it asleep by taking medicines that in themselves are terrifying. I remember her saying once that you need the people around you to get how awful this disease is and just be with you. They can’t fix it but they can be there through the hugs, the smiles, the hikes and time. She is right – pep talks aren’t always the best comparing your diseases to others. We need to be able to acknowledge that our pain, fear and sadness is real and it just stinks. Life is not fair. I might not get to do everything that I had planned to do, but I am able to do what I can with my cheer team. That in the end is perfect.

My sweet girl that walks every step with me – the small to the large.

Enough about my rough day, I have returned to my backyard passions as they give me peace, hope strength. Nature and being alive is fascinating and when you stop to look at the life around you – you appreciate the miracles of a single day. A passion of mine that started a few years ago was bird watching. Many times during the COVID lockdown, we enjoyed watching the feeders in our backyard. We had some amazing sites to see such as a hawk that we named Ernie learn to fly and attempt feeding in our backyard to a loud bluejay demanding more peanuts. Thankfully Ernie was not a fast learner – not capturing any of our backyard visitors.

From cardinals, doves to bluebirds, woodpeckers and the tufted titmouse; we are blessed to be visited by so many friends.

To start my birding blogs, I wanted to show you our basic feeders that bring us so much joy. My husband built the poles and we bought the feeders at Wild Birds Unlimited. I also buy my feed there. They are so helpful and knowledgeable. They make backyard birding magical. If you have one by you, visit the store and ask lots of questions. They are happy to help and answer. Cornell Ornithology is also a great site to explore to learn more about birds. You will be amazed at the birds that you see and how they make you feel more alive. I love when bluejay screams hello as an old friend visiting taking my mind away from my own life into a fantastical one. My sister-in-law told me that a cardinal symbolizes a loved one that has passed coming back to visit you. What a beautiful thought as most of us have resident cardinals that visit each day. To think Grandma comes each day to check on me makes me smile knowing that I am not alone; she is watching over my steps. Appreciate life from the life of your backyard birds to your own cheer team to the ones you will be routing for along life’s journey.

Check back often as I hope to take many pictures of our visitors and document what works best for us. It has been a trial and error but a fun experiment each week as I clean and load the feeders.

About Me

The struggles cresting over the falls…

June 17, 2021June 17, 2021 bitsybody

So, the first week of blogging was going well with a puppy, a super positive attitude and finishing a trip home from my favorite mountains .. what could change that? Well, back to reality and doctor’s appointments with test results and that portal that pops up with a new alert “letter for you to view”. Technology – Yeah! It is amazing to have instant access and I do appreciate it. It was especially great when I was healthy. Now, it has a new meaning to click and pray. So I am still waiting on some results and I am not sure how to keep focused on the good. Except – I guess intentionally doing it. Trying to stop my nerves is like standing at the top of the falls feeling the adrenaline rush through my body if I were to fall. How could someone who gets a daily dose of prednisone feel any more of the intense panic?

Why?

My plans yesterday were to post about my backyard bird feeders. I will post soon as they are one of the true happy parts of the backyard, but I thought I should keep it real – my story – as it goes up and down and possibly falls. So right now, I am focusing on the good, what I know to be true (not the what if’s) and our amazing family including sweet Meadow barking you got this – I need you.

Questions continue to rage inside my head “How will I make it through the each day?” This test might turn out ok and be something we just monitor but then there is next week and then the bigger scan the following week. It doesn’t seem to end. I can’t stop researching the tests and possible results in my portal. Yes I am one of those people who knows a little too much but not enough. Being a science teacher, I love to research but personal research is debilitating. How can I make it one more hour without shaking or screaming why???I don’t want to be whiny and have people cry for me; I want to be strong. But really I want to scream; I want to go back to work; I want to not think about what is next. My sister-in- law told me a quote from Amy Robach’s book from her husband about not dying before you die. I have to enjoy each day – from the small to the even smaller. You got this and with each step I have to believe it is going to get better.

So to bring calm to my mind today, I am looking over my journal – my thoughts from the last 7 months to keep me strong. Wild were my thoughts in the beginning but all have the same message – believe, pray, trust, and be the change for others. So I get to work on my projects, cleaning and such but most importantly I have to get outside myself. Go smell the lavender in the backyard. You are still here so keep going – keep pruning the bushes. I pray to let it all go and the truth is that my body and the medical team are working their hardest to keep me safe. So, let’s go Bitsy – keep on going. Today might be shaky, definitely coming off the anesthesia and no food for 2 days but it is time to breathe and work.

Well, I did some errands out and about. I did it even a trip taking sweet Meadow to the vet. I put on my mask and faced the world. Being away from everyone for 7 months except for my medical team and family had become my fortress with an awesome moat. Maybe it was safe there but I need to go on especially for my cheer team. They need me to cheer them on so I take steps. My best advice today is to keep it real knowing that we will all have these bad days. Days were you shake and you can’t breathe. In these moments, just remember you aren’t alone. I still have to save me from myself but I am also saving me for all the people in my life and the ones that I can help. We got this.

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My life as Meadow…

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